Omfg I was sitting in a room with a bunch of my aunts, uncles and cousins and my grandma had this weird smile on her face so I asked her what was up and she just looked at me and said “everyone in this house is alive thanks to my vagina”
i keep forgetting that’s a grown man
Do you ever lay in bed and crave someones arms around you but like its not gonna happen so you want to explode
My grandfather got suspended from Catholic school for referring to Jesus Christ and the twelve apostles as J.C. and the Boys.
my 6 year old brother has been crying for the past 20 minutes because my parents didn’t invite him to their wedding 19 years ago
That half-hearted struggle to stop your relatives from giving you money.
“No no, really no, I won’t take it, please no…okay thanks.”